The 4th Freedom...

The 4th of July. A day to celebrate freedom. I live in the United States of America and am grateful for my country.

I honor service people, watch parades, pack up my family, go to the park, and watch fireworks. I love all of the festivities. The day is fun and fills up quickly with good memories. 

Along with a throng of people, I stand to sing our national anthem, and hold my hand over my heart. My eyes fill with tears. I am thankful to live in this country. I am thankful for my freedom.

 At the culmination of festivities; I paused. Freedom. 

What does it mean to be free? Really free?

God spoke to me about a different kind of freedom. All around the world there are people who live in countries that are not free. Not free as we understand freedom. And yet, some of those people are far freer than those living in the U.S.A.

Freedom is rooted in truth. Jesus spoke to us plainly: “And you will know the truth [regarding salvation], and the truth will set you free [from the penalty of sin].” John 8:32 AMP. 

Freedom is not rooted in a location, it is rooted in a Person. 

And the beautiful truth is that a belief in Jesus, as Savior and Lord, 

means we no longer face punishment for a life that dishonors God. 

Every single lie, moment of unkindness, morsel of gossip, every act of selfishness...we are free from its penalty. His death. Our freedom. The ultimate act of selflessness. He took our place.

Jesus the Savior...He is setting people free in communist countries, in places with brutal dictators, in prison cells, or in areas where few outsiders travel. His truth sets us free. Yes; He is our freedom.

I am thankful to live in a free country. I am grateful that my freedom remains preserved because of faithful people who care about my homeland. Yet I am more grateful for my Savior, and the freedom that He brings. Because His freedom is available for everyone. He loves the whole world...not just my small slice of it.

It is so inclusive...so liberating! The world can be free, truly free. And we can celebrate this freedom not just one day out of the year, but every single day of our sacred lives.

Not Chosen...

As I read the account of the replacement of Judas in Acts 1, I could not help but pause and wrestle through the story from a different angle. Two men; Joseph and Matthias. Lots are drawn. One man chosen. One man...not.  

I am rather tender hearted. And honestly, it is difficult for me to imagine anyone potentially feeling left out. There is no record of words exchanged or any feelings, so I am left to speculate. Matthias potentially felt honored. What an incredible opportunity. A Divine calling. A great ministry.

And Joseph? What thoughts and emotions did he experience when he did not hear his name? When he realized that he had not been chosen? I want to be believe that even though he may have experienced the momentary presence of grief, he moved on to rejoice with his brother Matthias. And that is because I prefer happy endings.

What would allow Joseph, or any of us, to successfully move on from this moment? Perspective is key. It is a God centered perspective that propels sacred forward momentum. It is His perspective through us that keeps us from getting stuck...or continually looking back.

Life is a series of events made up of varying opportunities. In every opportunity, we have the choice to remain hopeful and grounded within our intrinsic value and purpose. Or not.

I believe that the focus need not be on having been passed over for an opportunity. 

It seems the wiser choice is to remain steadfastly fixed on the sovereign God

Who chose me for something else.

My something else.

My purpose. Your purpose. My destiny. Your destiny. My work of ministry. Your work of ministry. My life calling. Your life calling. Each of us, as God’s beloved masterpieces, completing the good works that God planned in advance for us (Eph. 2:10).

We can become discouraged when left out. Or passed over. It can be difficult to wonder if we have been overlooked. Undervalued. Not seen. It is easy to doubt ourselves. Or even God.

And so I remind myself, and you...life is guided by a loving, knowledgeable, sovereign hand. There is a record of every single day of your life (Psalm 139:16). When we possess the God given talents and abilities to do the work that He has called us to...we will hear our name. Dearest Masterpieces, the lot will always fall on us when it is our time to shine.

The 50 Year Old Masterpiece...

March 28, 2017. 

The day I turn 50. 

For the past several months I’ve found myself in a perpetually reflective state. The question primarily on my mind; has my life made a significant impact for the Kingdom?

Milestone birthdays. They give us reason to pause and survey the years of our life. I remember turning 40. I still felt so young and vibrant because of my involvement in full time youth ministry. My birthday celebration was a festive disco party, complete with 80’s music and attire from my high school years. My favorite people in attendance. Teenagers. We danced. And I...yes I...was the solid gold dancing queen.

Life is different at 50. I am different. And though I am still amazingly fun, the forever dancing diva, there will be no over the top party this year. No crazy festivities. And strangely, 10 years ago that is exactly what I’d envisioned.

It is typical to receive presents. Even to request special gifts on milestone birthdays. I’ve thought about what I’d want. Things I don’t normally get to do are appealing. Pedicure. Manicure. Eyebrows waxed. Facial. iTunes gift cards. Getting my house cleaned. Eating out at a really expensive and classy restaurant overlooking the ocean. Flowers. Money to go shopping for some new clothes that are currently in fashion. A romantic cruise. Renting a red Maserati and driving along the coast.

I would be grateful for any and all gifts. Yet none of these gifts speak to the deepest yearning of my heart. At 50, the greatest gift answers my greatest heart’s desire.

To know that my life has been spent well for the Lord.

As I look back over the past 29 years, the years I’ve journeyed as a follower of Jesus, I long to see a pathway beautifully marked with changed lives. People who believe in Jesus. Those who have felt lavishly loved and accepted in various seasons. People I’ve mentored. Those who now willingly embrace and live out their unique purpose and calling.

Many questions. Many prayers. Oh Lord, have I truly lived my life well? Have I used the years that you’ve given me thus far to accomplish those things that You planned long ago? Those Ephesians 2:10 Masterpiece works? Have people seen Jesus in me? Have they felt His love? Known His forgiveness and embrace? Understood His acceptance? Have I helped people embrace their unique gifting? Set them free to change the world for you?

I received an early birthday present. It arrived in the form of a letter. It was from a young man in our former youth ministry. He thanked me for my investment in his life. He told me of the influence of my passion for the Lord, contagious faith and welcoming love for him. He expressed how I had helped shape the life he lives today. That young man is headed to the mission field. He will leave a footprint in India that will leave it forever changed. My heart is overflowing with joy.

And while the letter came from this young man, I knew it was truly a gift from God. The sentiments expressed answered the ponderings of my heart. Words on a page woven sacredly together within my intimate conversations with my God.  

I have made mistakes. I have some regrets. There are definitely moments I would love to erase. Words I wish had been left unsaid. And yet, as I’ve reflected on my life, the affirmation of God has clearly been evident. I have known the joy of His delight in me.

I can look over the pathway of my life and see a myriad of faces.

People who God has asked me to love.

People who needed to know the Truth about Jesus, themselves, and their reason for being.

I see tears. Laughter. Sacred conversations.

Time passes quickly.

Yet we rarely speak that reflectively...contemplatively...until our latter season is upon us.

It seems like just yesterday I was turning 21 and surrendering my life to Jesus. It was such an exciting time. I could not have imagined all that God intended to do in and through me. I just knew that I wanted to make a huge impact for His glory. I wanted to love Him and love people with every single day of my life.

This may not be the year you turn 50. It may not be a milestone birthday year. Yet I hope that this writing will cause a momentary pause for pondering your life.

Every day we have choices. Choices for how we will spend our time and our resources. May I encourage you? Live well. Live in such a way that you will have few regrets.

And I promise you, there is one thing you will never regret...

loving God and loving people.

This earthly life is but a vapor compared to eternity.

Store up memories that help you revel in who God has made you. Create moments that allow you to experience life as God intended it to be. Live life on purpose and with purpose.

Be the masterpiece God created you to be.

Sit within His lavish love. Walk in those good works.

You are His beloved. And your life matters. Every. Single. Moment.

Invisibility as a Mercy...

International Disability expert, Joni Eareckson Tada, explained it well when she told someone living with debilitating fatigue, “People have such high expectations of folks like you [with invisible disabilities], like, ‘come on, get your act together.’ but they have such low expectations of folks like me in wheelchairs, as though it’s expected that we can’t do much”.

I am a fan of the Invisible Illness campaign. It is giving a voice to those who have long suffered in silence. Many of us have hidden in the shadows, too afraid of judgement or ridicule. We sit alone with our thoughts, our fears, and the questions: What if no one believes me? What if they think I’m simply making excuses? Do I risk others trying to discredit my suffering? What if people view me as weak? What if they never accept that my limitations are legitimate?

And yet to have the power to be invisible, truly invisible, would be a mercy. 

What if I vanished every time my internal world battled against my ability to be a peaceful and life-giving presence. Think of it. My anxiety would seek to control only my little world. I alone would receive the verbal barrage from my irrational fears. The depression could swallow no other victim. The mania, harnessing pain filled words destined to drive others from my presence, would never be heard... even if shouted aloud from within the madness.

Yes, to be invisible would be a mercy. There would be less regret. Fewer apologies. Greater emotional safety for family members and close friends. Less shame. Less Guilt.

It is life draining when my invisible illness becomes anything but invisible. I feel naked. Vulnerable. And unbearably seen. I wish only to hide. To be invisible.

I grow weary of the endless apologies. With unceasing vigor they reverberate in my mind. I am so sorry. Will you forgive me? I know I behaved badly. It is not about you. It is about me. It is not okay. I love you so much.

I hate anxiety. I hate fear. I hate depression. I hate mania. I hate it all. 

And yet I must love myself as God loves me. 

And I must see myself as one struggling, not as one defined by the struggle.

I have an invisible illness. I paint black strokes over the spectrum of beautiful colors that light the normally functioning world. I race impulsively through thoughts that misdirect my steps. Simple tasks on a to-do list cause my heart to pound and chest to tighten. Yes, I walk hand and hand with these uninvited guests, and I limp.

You cannot change what you do not first accept. And I am on a journey toward acceptance. If I can accept their internal presence, I can live within the tension of the current struggle, and the victory that is mine in Christ.

I am not a victim. I am a child of God.

And the One who began His good work in me is still writing my sacred story.